Maybe Not, After All

“I believed. I believed I was lost, beyond the horizon and all”

One fine day, on a sunny afternoon, I sat down to ponder,

ponder over the time spent, over the times lost and lived.

“Who am I?”, the question that all of us at times wonder.

“Name?, Home?, Family? or Friends”, what am I advised?

I’ve held my sight to look deep down my past, to find where I was,

I was there, alright, writing down what I would like me to be.

That certainly isn’t what I am now, after I messed up the clause,

I’ve added a few things, some unconsciously, some I clearly agree.

In all the choices that I’ve made, I can say I’ve fallen just as hard as I rise,

I believed I was lost, beyond the horizon and all, but maybe not, after all.

 

 

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The Quote Quarrel

“To Be or Not To Be?” 

How often do we stand alone on crossroads?

waiting to make a decision with past shadows.

Whom would you consult?, who would you run to?,

I ran to the good old Quotes, I’ve gathered few.

Holding my ground, despite hanging with my predicament,

I set out to discover how truly most quotes implement.

“Two is company, three is crowd”, they said,

How about, “The more, the merrier”, instead?

“Save for a rainy day”, came an advice yesterday,

“Tomorrow will take care of itself”, as a child’s play.

“Curiosity killed the cat”, they blamed,

“Seek and ye shall find”, not ashamed.

“Time waits for no man”, said the leaving tide,

But, “haste makes waste”, why don’t you abide?

I could go on to point out how Quotes also Quarrel,

but opinion is not fact, please claim your own moral.

 

Why?, Why Cry?

If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will cherish the warmth of a bright summer day. ”

I’ll tell you my dear, I’ll tell you why, why I don’t hesitate to cry out my eyes,

I couldn’t answer your unnerving question, nor would you settle with lies.

Before I narrate to you why I rather decide to cry,

Tell me, tell me my dear why don’t you ever try?

You don’t seem to shush me when I laugh, why is it so?

Why is it that this other side of life is acknowledged low?

I cry, because I wouldn’t be able to laugh otherwise,

I wonder how you pull this miracle of a perfect disguise.

Tell me my dear, why would you rather have people you laugh?

Why don’t you decide whether your life is a show or a live half ?

Don’t you pardon me to be weak for I cry without fear,

But I’d rather advice you to consider to steer yourself clear.

I Cry, I Laugh, I Scream out Loud ,

Pretense? Sorry, I’m not that Proud.

The “Unknowns”.

For ever so long I have took solace in settling for the love of my poetic enthrallment. I believed lesser words could wrap up my bigger issues. I still strongly believe that.

But, I will resort to writing a purpose today. A seeking. With as much elaboration as possible. 

P.S. I hope a little bit of humor is okay with you, and no this isn’t about an alien invasion.

Like everybody else, well, most of us. For 9 months I lived alone, in utter darkness. Having no idea of the fact that I could never be more safe and protected than I was.Was I scared? Was I even aware? No Idea.

I managed to get out, eventually. Did I want to? Was I aware of my changing citizenship? Of course, no. Humans five times the size of me, all trying to get a hold of me. To be honest, I would be scared if I went through the same scenario again. Dead scared.

I grew 1x larger than earlier. Nope. Humans were still 4x larger than I was, and this time, feeding me with stuff I’m not even sure I like. Well, at this point there is no escaping anyway, right?

I kept growing. I didn’t know how to stop that process. So, I left it to the universe. Alert: I did not know what the word, “The Universe” meant at that age. I was probably three. If you’re thinking whether I knew arithmetic. Nope. I didn’t know that either.

I settled. I had to. To the world, I was brought into, brought up in. I started acknowledging people, tough job, believe me. I mean people apart from the wonderful woman who loved me, my mother.

But, she preferred sending me away to this horrible place. For 6 hours a day. Just to be with people who weren’t double my size.Finally, right? No, not a good thing.

I was upset with my mother for letting me go. “How could she do this to me?”. She did it anyway, later I learnt it was twice as hard for her to let me go than it was for me. She did it anyway.

I started liking school. Yeah, that’s what it was called. Silly, right? I found friends. Friends are people who you meet by accident and then decide to stick to them, completely random. It’s super cool.

I had to leave that place. Yes. The School. After 12 years of long um, suffering, they just let me go. I didn’t want to. At all. I cried. But, I gave up.

What I did not realise was I was being sent to this place called “college”. I loved college.I found friends, they just had different faces. Same people. But soon, they kicked me out of that place too! “This has got to stop!”.

Scared. Apprehensive. Same things. Oops. But, the fear of the unknown has been haunting me since forever. Change. That’s the word humans use. After all these “unknowns”, you’d think I would get used to this. You’re right. I would.

To conclude my bantering I would say, Our lives are nothing but a sum of wonderful “unknowns”. Believe me, they are wonderful. Make them wonderful. Mr.Universe out there, apologies, it could also be a Ms.Universe out there, is one cheery little being. She says she likes to surprise us. No wonder, right?

 

11 more minutes.

“The 11-minute walk at 11 in the mid-night by one lonely girl.”

It was 11’O Clock in the night, very late in the night.
I walked into darker streets, away from the city lights.

11 more minutes and I would reach my house,
by then I was already judged by the choice of my blouse.

I shudder as I hear footsteps gathering behind me,
9 more minutes until I would unlock my door key.

The voices in my head pleaded me to run, run far away and detour.
as frozen as ice I stood, before 7 shadows waiting to devour.

Pushed onto the ground, and forced to suppress my shout,
5 more minutes until I’m to be left as a lifeless doubt.

Agony or Apathy? What do I carry to my grave?
3 more minutes as I struggle to be brave.

11:11, I’m safe on my bed, and out of a bad dream,
as I go back to my sleep, being thankful to be born as a man.

 

In a sky full of darkness and stars.

 When I have exhausted my all, I need to know that the stars lie only behind the darkness.”

I take a stand, I take a decision to hold my ground,

I shudder as I’m found stranded on some foreign grounds.

The land I was in search of, the land I deemed my home,

why did it have to leave me alone?, carrying none from home.

Along the way, I fall down and I hesitate to pick my dear self up,

Blink, blink and there it goes, disappearing into another sleeve and up.

I dream of bright light, glass castles and reflecting hearts of our own,

but my subconscious has other plans, of dark and sleepless nights I own.

Take me back to the days I would crawl up into my dear mother’s arms,

But also push me forward to attain my space in a shelf I could extend my arm.

In this sky full of darkness and stars, lead me, guide me, and assure me to not stop.

 

Dear Dad,

“Not every Queen was a princess that has been.”

Dear Dad,

Other girls say, “I would prefer a man like my father”,
I sit here and wonder, whether I’d want the same.

Other girls say, “My father is my strength and my support”,
I sit mum, while I retrospect the times I needed you the most.

Other girls say, “My father says I’m his princess, forever and always”,
didn’t I deserve to be a princess daddy?, didn’t I deserve your love?

“Not every queen was a princess that has been”, says the boy I loved,
I could not be more pleased to tell you that he is nothing like you.

He said, “I’ll hold your hand, I’ll stand by you in sickness and health”,
I would like to believe him, but alas!, I recollect you promising the same.

As I sit here, holding my pen, writing everything I could never tell you,
left my life, you certainly did, but please erase your memories I interleave.

Remorse.

– A daughter that once was.

Wondering & Vanishing

“Wondering Memories, Vanishing Memories. Where do they summer?”

“Ma, I want to stay home today”, She had said,

Her mother was both surprised and rejoiced.

“Why would you rather stay home?”, questioned her conscience,

The daughter, was never so hesitant in her silence.

“My dear daughter, reply at once, who let my princess down?”

Dripping tears filled her eyes, as she adjusted her crown.

Her mother never raised her to be a coward,

She regained her smile, as her mother hovered.

“I promised I would take my mother for dinner”,

“Oh, did you. Why?, I don’t seem to remember”.

“Happy Birthday mother”, the daughter had finally wished,

Just as Alzheimer’s wondered, where her memory vanished.

Dear Men,

“An excerpt from a never ending letter to Men, from Women”

Dear Men,

No, not you, and yes, you right there,
Here I refer to the ones who do care.

Not to the Father who believed I deserved no explanation,
But to the Grandfather who believed in my education.

Not to the Uncle who has subscribed me in matrimonial,
But to the Professor who has believed in my ordeal.

Not to the Brother who would rather I stay at home,
But to the Best friend who published my poem.

Not to the guy who claimed I was worth nailing,
But to the boy who thought I was worth saving.

Not all of you are worth appreciating,
But to some of you who are, there is no debating.

Grow in numbers, we need you, now more than ever,
All we are asking for is support for our endeavor.

Thankyou

Yours Equally,
Women.

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